Play-dates and Disappointment

Laurie Prusso explains:

• Your daughter is social and enjoys spending time with peers, which is natural at her age.
• Her tantrums reflect frustration and disappointment when expectations aren’t met.
• It’s important to recognize that it’s not your responsibility to keep her constantly happy; part of parenting is helping her tolerate disappointment.
• Frequent power struggles can escalate tantrums and reinforce negative behavior.

• When she cries after school, calmly hold her hand and walk with her without trying to convince her to be happy. Respect her feelings and model composure.
• Validate her emotions: let her know it’s okay to feel disappointed or upset.
• Use calm, mutually respectful conversations when both are relaxed. Acknowledge her feelings, then offer problem-solving opportunities.
• Encourage delayed gratification and coping skills by not immediately responding to every desire for a play-date.

• Decide on a schedule you will maintain, such as set play-date days and Mommy & Me fun days, to provide predictability.
• Say your decision once or twice, then carry on without engaging in a power struggle.
• Guide her in problem-solving calmly: acknowledge her ideas, set limits, and help her learn gratitude and coping.
• Tantrums should gradually decrease in frequency and intensity as she learns to manage her emotions.
• Balance social activities with downtime; unstructured time allows her to enjoy being with you and regulate feelings.