Older Child’s Aggression toward New Baby

Eryn Rodger explains:

• It’s normal for older children to struggle when a new sibling arrives. The initial “honeymoon” period may end as reality sets in.
• Your daughter may feel angry, left out, or hurt about sharing attention with the new baby.
• Her aggression can be a way to express these feelings and seek connection or attention.
• Understanding her perspective is key: try to see what beliefs or feelings are behind her behavior.

• Involve her in caring for her brother: handing wipes, helping with clothing, singing songs, etc. Give her small choices: “Which blanket should he use?”
• Notice and validate feelings: “You seem mad because I’m holding your brother. I understand.” Provide language for her emotions and creative outlets (drawing, play dough).
• Schedule regular special time: dedicate time solely for her, preferably during the baby’s nap, to reinforce your undivided attention.
• Create a nursing “treasure box” with quiet activities or a photo album to engage her during feedings.
• Approach conflicts neutrally: separate both children if play becomes rough, and ask her perspective with compassion. Clear, firm limits are more effective when she feels heard.

• Be creative in including her in daily routines with the baby.
• Validate emotions and model calm responses to aggression.
• Encourage problem-solving and involvement in finding solutions.
• Use Positive Discipline resources like Positive Discipline for Preschoolers and Birth to Three for additional strategies.
• Take care of your own well-being; calm and rested parents manage sibling aggression more effectively.